Frequently Asked Questions

The answer to this question varies by county and state in which you live. Many states and counties have agencies such as housing authorities which offer lower-income housing and may be able to help you find appropriate housing for older adults. Check with your local Housing Authority to get connected with housing resources in your area.

There will be no reduction in benefits because a grandparent cares for a grandchild in any arrangement (power of attorney, custody order, guardianship order, adoption). In cases of formal adoption, the grandparent may receive additional benefits because of the existence of the minor child. If the grandparent dies after an adoption is final but before the grandchild is 18-years-old, a Social Security benefit will be paid for the grandchild until he/she is 18-years. If one of the natural birth parents was qualified for Social Security and has died, the grandparents who are caring for the grandchild may be able to collect the natural birth parent’s social security.

The AARP has a new tool on their website called, “QuickLINK.” In this program you log on and answer a few questions and QuickLINK will tell you about all of the benefits you may be eligible to receive. Some links even provide you directly with the application to fill out online. To use QuickLINK, go to the link on the AARP’s website. The website is for those ages 50 or older who are raising grandchildren or other relatives.

Check with your local Department of Human Services for a list of services or to discuss services specific to your situation.

Subsidized adoption (usually referred to as subsidized guardianship) provides permanent families for at-risk children for whom it is not safe to return home. Subsidized adoption is frequently used in cases of abuse and/or neglect. Children who are candidates for subsidized adoption are children who have been in the state welfare system, and at risk of being placed in foster care, and for whom adoption is not appropriate. Subsidized guardianship makes it possible for these children to live permanently in the care of a legal guardian. This guardian has to agree to provide a safe and loving home for the child(ren). The guardian receives ongoing payments to help provide for the needs of the child. Often the guardian is a relative or a close family friend of the child and is sometimes referred to as a “kinship caregiver.” Most states have a subsidized guardianship program; however, these programs vary state by state. These programs are relatively new making kinship care more and more feasible.

You could possible quality for TANF (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families) Medicaid for the child, and depending upon the total income to the household, might quality for SNAP (Supplemental Food Assistance Program- formerly Food Stamps). Also depending upon your age and income, you also may qualify for additional assistance. You need to check with your local Department of Human Services as to programs available, and their application process.

You need to contact the collection agency and inform them of the fact you are applying for Medicaid for the child. Depending upon when you applied, and when the medical treatment was provided, you need to talk to your worker about backdating the Medicaid. The Medicaid can only be backdated three months from the date of the application, so you need to take that into consideration when you contact the Collection Agency. If the child was on Medicaid in another household, that could also be taken into consideration.

The child may be eligible for Medicaid. You can call your Human Services office and have an application mailed to you (there is no interview necessary), obtain a Medicaid application from your Human Services office, or apply online. 

Social Security Income is available for children who are physically or emotionally disabled. The child may qualify for monthly income and/or health care through Medicaid. These payments will continue for as long as the child is disabled. To apply, visit your local Social Security office. A physical or another professional person must be willing to state the child has a physical or mental condition that can be medically proved and which results in “marked or severe functional limitation.” The condition must last at least 12 months or be expected to result in death. As a grandparent who is caring for a disabled grandchild, you can apply for SSI by contacting Social Security. Keep in mind that most claims are initially denied and that an attorney can help.

It depends on the state, even the county. Grandparents who are required to work (because they are part of the TANF assistance unit) are entitled to the same childcare assistance parents receive.

For information on assistance with college and higher education costs, contact the Financial Aid Office at a college or university. High school guidance counselors also have information on this.

In most situations, grandparents must have legal custody of their grandchildren in order to qualify for financial assistance with housing, medical, educational, and other assistance.

Many persons question why they can’t get financial assistance for raising their grandchildren, for either cost-of-living, health care, education, or legal needs. While the system may seem unfair, it may help you when dealing with case workers, attorneys or policymakers to keep their philosophy in mind. First, anyone who provides informal care for a family member could claim they deserve assistance. Monitoring and determining this need would be intrusive, cumbersome, and expensive.

Second, many policymakers might say that families have an obligation and responsibility to care for family members. Why should the state pay for grandparents to care for a family member? Is it the state’s role to become involved in the daily caregiving tasks of families (by deciding who should receive financial assistance)? While providing kinship assistance is less expensive than putting a child in the foster care system, it is even less expensive to not provide financial assistance to grandparents or other family members. This may seem unfair, but it is an opinion held by many persons.

Several organizations offer free legal help! Some good resources are Colorado Legal Services, which operates throughout the state, and lawyers who provide advice as a public resource, through a contract with The Office on Aging in your county. Also, in many areas of the state, the local bar association has a program for providing legal advice for community members, so you could call the bar association to ask.

Another resource is the State Judicial Administration website, which has forms for the public to use for certain court proceedings, including adoption, guardianship, and allocation of parental responsibility proceedings. Here is the link for the form site, although there is only limited information available about how to use the forms: www.courts.state.co.us

Many attorneys specialize in family law matters, and you may want to consult a private attorney to advise you or represent you in your efforts. Even if you do not choose to retain an attorney to represent you in your case, you may want to hire an attorney for an hour (or more) of coaching and advice. This is sometimes called “unbundled legal services.” It can often be very useful to consult an attorney (either a private attorney or a “free” attorney available through one of the programs listed above) for advice before you jump into one of these legal arenas, so that you can focus your efforts on the most effective approach for your family’s particular situation.

Most states are still struggling with legislation and more immediate laws regarding grandparents raising grandchildren. Special assistance for those with limited English or reading abilities is not a priority. Persons who need assistance should enlist the help of an advocate who can help interpret the legalize. Check your local phone book or 211 resources for organizations that provide service and advocacy for particular ethnic groups or persons with special needs.

Grandparents are able to obtain child support from the birth parents based upon the incomes of the birth parents. Child support is always established by a court order. If the grandparent is caring for the grandchild under a power of attorney, a guardianship, or conservatorship order, a separate action for child support must be started. If the grandparent adopts the grandchild, the grandchild becomes a child of the grandparent and the rights and obligations of the grandchild’s birth parents are ended. There is no right to child support from the grandchild’s parents after an adoption. Grandparents can enforce payment of child support through either a private attorney or through an agency of the State Of Colorado, the Child Support Enforcement Unit in each county.

Generally you will have to pay an application fee for child support services. This fee is waived for grandparents raising grandchildren who are receiving TANF and/or Medicaid benefits for their grandchildren. Contact your local child support office to confirm their policy.

In Colorado, if a grandparent makes an application for child support both parents must be held accountable for current support. If a current order exists for one parent, it will be attached to the grandparent and another order will be opened with the other parent. This process will occur automatically if the grandparent is receiving TANF and/or Medicaid benefits for their grandchildren.

A grandparent may receive current child support until a minor child reaches the age of majority, usually 19 years of age.

Applications for child support are available on at www.childsupport.state.co.us. Once completed applications must be mailed or hand delivered to your local child support office at the address provided. This website also has additional information which may be helpful to you.

Although you are the care provider for your grandchildren, the biological parents are still considered the legal parents of the child and therefore assume the rights and responsibilities of parents. One of the parental responsibilities is financially supporting children; therefore it is your right as caretaker to receive financial help from the biological parents in caring for your grandchildren.

Upon adopting your grandchild, the child’s biological parents’ parental rights and responsibilities would be terminated. Therefore, you would not be eligible for child support because by adopting the child you will have assumed parental rights and responsibilities, including financial. Upon adopting your grandchild you are still eligible for assistance as long as you meet the requirements.

The “Good Cause” process is a way for relative caregivers who are required to cooperate with child support because they are receiving TANF and/or Medicaid benefits for their grandchildren to bypass that requirement. The grandparent may claim good cause for non-cooperation at any time during the child support process. The “Good Cause” process is used in cases where the physical or emotional safety of the child or the child’s caretaker is thought to be threatened or harmed by the biological parent(s) and is most often implemented in family violence cases. Other processes that will allow you to receive child support and maintain address confidentiality are available, check with your local child support office for information on these programs.

Yes, many communities’ have services available to grandparents raising grandchildren through their Office of Child Support Services. Most offices ask that you have some background information regarding the parents such as date of birth, social security number, last known address, etc. in order to aid them in the location process.

There are many community professionals who would be great resources with whom you could talk. Search out a counselor, caseworker, or therapist who specializes in grandfamilies or who has knowledge of grandfamily dynamics. Even if they do not specialize in grandfamilies, many family therapists will have some understanding of your situation. Support groups are another great option. Many communities have support groups for grandparent caregivers and other kinships caregivers. A list of support groups is provided on this website by selecting Support Groups option from the menu to the left of your screen. There are also community professionals who are often referred to as Kinship Systems Navigators or Directors of Kinship Units. These professionals usually work through your local Department of Human Services or through local Area Agency on Aging.

Contact your local Department of Human Services or through local Area Agency on Aging to get connected with a Kinship Systems Navigator, a Kinship Unit, a caseworker, a therapist, or a counselor. These professionals are knowledgeable and competent in dealing with crisis situations. They can help you get connected to other programs, organizations, and support groups in your community.

The three main situations in which children come to live with their grandparents are self-initiated, family initiated, and agency initiated situations. These situations vary depending on who initiates children living with the grandparents.

In a self-initiated situation, the grandparent feels the children are not being properly taken care of and makes a call to the local Department of Human Services or Law Enforcement Office. Authorities are required to investigate the welfare of a child. Grandparents should also advise the authorities that they wish to keep the children with them. If law enforcement and/or social services is not involved, grandparents can initiate wishes to have the child live with them by contacting the parent or guardian and discuss custody, guardianship, and adoption options. It is best to do this with the help of an attorney.

In a family initiated situation, the parent or guardian of the child requests that the grandparent take temporary or permanent custody of the child. Legal agreements will need to be reached and it is helpful to have everything in writing. A helpful hint is that usually whoever gives the rights can also take it away. For example, if the parent gives temporary power of attorney, the parent can revoke it. If the court makes a decision, only the court can change that decision.

In an agency initiated situation, an outside agency approaches the grandparents about placing the child in the grandparent’s home. It is important for the grandparent to know and understand what is being requested and what options exist before he/she commits to the grandchild’s placement.

No! Grandparents may be of ANY age to attend a support group. Most support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren around the state and country are open to any grandparent raising grandchildren, regardless of age.

A list of support groups is provided on this website by selecting Support Groups option from the menu to the left of your screen. You may also contact your local Department of Human Services or through local Area Agency on Aging.

A legal relationship is written authority for a grandparent to care for a grandchild. There are four primary legal options:

• Power of attorney;
• Custody/allocation of parental responsibility;
• Guardianship; and
• Adoption.

A power of attorney is the least formal; it does not involve the court. The parent(s) can give and revoke this authority at will. Custody and guardianship do involve the court, but are usually of an indefinite duration, including a long term relationship. Adoption involves the court, and is a permanent change of the legal relationship. Each of these options is discussed in more detail below.

A power of attorney is written permission from one person (the principal) to another person (the agent) to perform certain acts that the principal would have authority to perform for him or herself. A power of attorney (“POA”) gives the agent a parallel power to act in addition to the principal’s power to act; it does not diminish the principal’s power to continue to act on his or her own behalf. The principal retains the right to revoke the power of attorney and “fire” the agent at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all.

In the family law arena, a power of attorney regarding a child generally is written permission from a parent to another person authorizing that person to care for a child and make certain decisions for that child. This power of attorney (“POA”) can vary from handwritten permission to obtain medical care to a formal document prepared by an attorney and signed in front of a notary public. A power of attorney from the parent to the grandparent usually gives the grandparent the authority to make certain decisions for the child, but it does not reduce any of the rights of the parents. The parent is able to revoke the power of attorney, take the child back, or change decisions that have been made by the grandparent. Any time a child is being cared for by someone other than the legal parent or guardian, it is important for the caregiver to have a power of attorney so that the child is able to receive medical care and/or other assistance in times of need.

Although the POA may authorize the grandparents to make all decisions for a child, including medical, educational, residential, religious, and other matters, there are some legal limitations on this power. First, Colorado law allows for a power of attorney regarding a child to be valid for a maximum of twelve months. After twelve months, the parents must sign a new power of attorney to continue the authority of the agent (grandparent). Second, by law, an agent under a power of attorney may not consent to either marriage or adoption of the child. Some school districts will not accept a power of attorney as a basis for enrolling a child in the grandparent’s school district; they may require a court determination of guardianship or allocation of parental responsibility. Also, most health insurance companies will not allow grandparents to enroll a grandchild on their health insurance coverage based upon only a power of attorney; they usually require a court order, as well.

The parent may give specific powers to the grandparent, limited to only a few things or the POA may grant the grandparent the right to make all decisions for the child. For example, the right to make medical decisions could be in emergency cases only. The power of attorney needs to be signed only by one of the child’s parents or legal guardians. If grandparents expect disagreements about the power of attorney, it is best to seek advice from an attorney when writing it.

Other than adoption, which is permanent and essentially irreversible, the two primary options are legal guardianship and legal custody. In Colorado, these two options are handled by two different branches of the civil court system. Guardianship is handled by the probate courts and custody (which is called allocation of parental responsibility in Colorado) is handled by the domestic (family law) courts. If the child is the subject of a dependency and neglect action, the court in that case would also have the power to enter orders for guardianship or allocation of parental responsibility for the child, at certain stages in the case.

Although the public tends to use the common term of “custody,” Colorado law no longer uses that label. Instead, Colorado uses the longer phrase, “allocation of parental responsibility and decision making.” This is the legal authority to make decisions about a minor child. The court specifically allocates decision making about three topics, or occasionally more. The three required elements of allocation of parental responsibility (“APR”) are: education, religious upbringing, and non-emergency medical care. (Of course, emergency medical care is handled by whatever responsible adult is caring for the child at the time of an emergency.) Usually this authority is allocated to both or one of the child’s parents, but sometimes it is allocated to another person who is filling a custodial or parental role for the child, such as a grandparent, aunt or uncle, step-parent, or another involved and appropriate person.

Allocation of parental responsibility (“APR”, commonly called “custody”) must be granted by a court order (usually in domestic relations court) and an attorney is often involved. An APR order gives the grandparent the right and obligation to care for the child and to make whatever decisions the judge grants when the order is signed. An APR order does not permanently end the rights of the parents, but they can only have parenting time (visit) with the child as provided in the order. The judge’s decision in an APR hearing will be made based on the best interests of the child.

Grandparents are able to file a court action asking for custody of a child if the child has been living with the grandparent for six months. The grandparent can also file the action within six months after the child leaves his or her home as long as the child had lived in their home for six months. Both of the child’s parents must be notified of the hearing. The judge will decide what rights the parents have and what parenting time (visitation) the parents have. It is important specifically to ask the judge about clarifying who has the right to make decisions regarding the educational, medical, and religious needs of the child, since this authority is allocated separately in Colorado. The judge also may order the parents to pay child support to the grandparents to help meet the financial burden of raising their child.

A custody (allocation of parental responsibility) order can be changed by returning to court and requesting a change. This can be done if the custodial parent or grandparent agrees to the change, or if the child has been integrated into someone else’s family with the consent of the custodial parent or grandparent. If the parents and grandparent do not agree to a change in the custody/APR order, then the person who wants the change must ask the court to grant it. A contested change in APR and primary residence of the child can only be requested once every two years, unless the judge believes that there has been a change in the custodial parent or grandparent’s circumstances which create a danger to the child’s physical health or which significantly impairs the child’s emotional development because of the environment in which the child is living.

Parents are the natural guardians of their children, either natural or adopted children. So, they do not need to go to court to be appointed as guardians and to have the authority to make these decisions. Anyone other than a parent needs a court order to be appointed as a guardian for a minor child (under age 18). To be the guardian of a disabled person over age 18, the guardian must be appointed by the court, even if the parent is the guardian.

A legal guardianship is another way that a grandparent may get the authority to care for a child and make decisions on the child’s care. This is an order that is issued by the probate court, instead of the domestic court, but it results in very similar authority about the child. Guardianship is granted by a court and gives the guardian full permission to make all decisions about a child except financial decisions and the right to agree to adoption. The guardian may care for the child, or arrange for someone else to provide care. The guardian is not legally responsible to support the child financially. If authority is needed to make decisions about the child’s property and finances, the court may grant a conservatorship to the grandparent or someone else, as well as guardianship. A conservatorship is not needed for a grandparent simply to receive and spend child support for the child.

Guardianships are very flexible. Few laws define how they are used. Flexibility can be good or bad for the guardian and the parents. Since there are few laws saying how guardianship is revoked or changed, a judge has significant leeway when deciding these issues. A guardianship is an exclusive power, so it takes away the parent’s rights to make decisions for the child and gives that authority to the guardian, within the scope of the guardianship order, until the guardianship is modified or terminated. Guardianship does not terminate the parent’s parental rights. If circumstances improve for the parent, he or she can request termination of the guardianship and return of the child to the parent’s care.

Guardianship can be granted either through the Colorado Probate Code when a parent is unable to care for his or her child, or the parent has died, or through the Colorado Children’s Code when a child is dependent or neglected. A person with guardianship is issued a document called Letters of Guardianship. This document can be provided by the guardian to prove that he or she has the authority to make decisions for the child. Unless the guardianship is limited, this authority generally allows the guardian(s) to enroll the child in school, to consent to medical care, to cover the child on the guardian’s health insurance policy, and other matters that would usually be handled by the child’s parents. The guardian is required to file an annual report with the court about the child’s situation and ongoing residence, medical care and educational arrangements.

A conservatorship is a court order (from the probate court) which makes one person (or a professional fiduciary, such as a bank trust department) in charge of management of another person’s finances and assets, including their bank accounts, investments, and property. It is different from guardianship and, generally, the same person is not allowed to serve as both guardian and conservator. If the child has life insurance proceeds or a personal injury settlement or an inheritance, it is likely that a conservator will be appointed to manage the child’s income and assets until the child is 21 years old. This is an exclusive power, not a shared power by the child and the conservator or the parent or guardian and the conservator. The conservator is required to file an initial financial plan, and then annual accountings with the court.

A co-guardianship is a shared guardianship between two people or entities, such as two grandparents. Sometimes, a family member (or other appropriate person) has a co-guardianship with the Department of Social Services, which is treated as joint custody between the grandparent and Social Services. All decisions must be made jointly. This method is most often used when a child has been involved in a dependency and neglect case and is not available for adoption but will not be returning to the parents. In some cases, Social Services will pay foster care payment to the grandparent during this arrangement. Many counties refuse this type of arrangement. If grandparents are interested in this approach in cases in which Social Services is involved, they should contact their grandchild’s caseworker.

Adoption is permanent. It forever changes the legal parent/child relationship. If the child’s parents are dead, or have consented, or have had their rights terminated (so they no longer have a parent-child relationship with their child), then the child may be legally available for adoption. Adoption will make the child the legal child of the adopting parent or parents for all legal purposes, just the same as if the child had been born to those parents. The court will change the child’s legal name and issue a new birth certificate. If the adopting parents divorce, they will have to pay child support for the child. The child can inherit from them. This is a total, final change of the legal relationship, forever.

As in any case, adoption is only possible if both biological parents relinquish their parental rights or if parental rights are terminated through a court process. If parents relinquish their rights, they may name the grandparent as the successor custodian of their child. In dependency and neglect cases, the grandparent has the right to request permission to adopt, but so do foster parents and possibly other parties. It is important for grandparents to request this before the motion to terminate the parent-child legal relationship is filed. There is no requirement that the grandparent be notified of either the plan to terminate parental rights or of a grandparent’s preference for placement, so it is very important for an interested grandparent to remain involved throughout the entire dependency and neglect process, if the child is the subject of a termination case. If parents file an appeal after their parental rights are terminated (which many do) it could be a year or two before the grandparents know whether they will be able to adopt. Grandparents do not have priority for adoption over foster parents or other long-term caregivers of the child. The court makes decisions based upon the best interests of the child.

Colorado has kinship adoption laws that apply to grandparents. If a grandchild has been living in the grandparent’s home for one year or longer, and if the parents are deceased, have had their rights terminated, or the parents or legal guardians have consented, the grandparent(s) may petition to adopt the child. If the parents have not consented but if they have abandoned their parent/child relationship, the grandparents may also petition for adoption. Abandonment is presumed when the parents have had no contact with the child for at least one year or have failed without cause to provide child support for the child for at least one year. Of course, it is possible for one parent to consent and the other parent to abandon the child, and for the grandparents to proceed with adoption in those circumstances, as well. If grandparents are adopting, they will have to complete criminal record checks and related clearances before they are allowed to adopt, but a full home-study by Social Services or an adoption agency is not usually required by the court in kinship adoptions.

It may be difficult to take paid time off of work in cases of a grandchild’s serious health condition and the grandparent may be entitled to take unpaid leave from work. Under the Federal Family and Medical Leave Act, the grandparent may qualify to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year to provide care for a serious health condition of the grandchild. This law applies only if the employer has at least 100 employees and the grandparent has been employed at the job for at least 12 months. The grandparent may also be entitled to family leave to care for the grandchild during the first year the grandchild is placed with the grandparent for adoption or foster care.

ICWA is a Federal law designed to protect the best interests of Native American children and to promote the stability and security of Indian tribes and Indian families. This act controls any matters surrounding child custody and requires the tribe be notified if the child is being placed outside the home for guardianship, foster care, or adoption, even if the placement is made by the birth parent. If there is the possibility that a child you are caring for may have Indian blood or Indian parents, it is VERY important that you contact an attorney who has experience in this area.

If the grandchild resides within the State of Colorado, the grandparent can seek a court order in the domestic court, establishing visitation with the grandchild. Grandparent visitation can be established in any of the following circumstances: where the grandchild’s parents are divorced or legally separated, where the grandchild is not in the custody of one of his or her parents, or the grandchild does not live in the home of one of his parents, or where the grandchild’s parent (child of the grandparent) has died. A grandparent is required to make a written request for visitation through the court located where the child lives. You may want to seek the help of attorney in filing the request. If the grandchild lives in a state other than Colorado, the law of the state where the grandchild resides will determine any right to grandparent visitations. Contact an attorney in that state to determine whether any rights to grandparent visitation exist.

This varies by state and by type of case. In Colorado, children do not have an automatic right to say where they want to live at any particular age in domestic or divorce cases, but their wishes are always one of the factors for the court to consider. But, children over 14 must consent to the appointment of a guardian and children over 12 must receive counseling and consent to an adoption. In dependency and neglect cases, new laws require the children to have access to the courts and for their wishes to be considered. Guardians and grandparents should go through the guardian ad litem to involve the grandchild in this decision, if the child has a legal representative in the case.

When the Department of Social Services brings a dependency and neglect case, under the Colorado Children’s Code, it is trying to meet two goals. These goals are not always consistent. The two goals, which sometimes compete with one another, are: protecting the safety of the child and preserving or reuniting the family. So, Social Services may recommend removal of the children in order to keep them safe and then recommend returning the children to the family, in order to preserve the family unit. In a dependency and neglect case, the court adopts a treatment plan for the parents, with input from Social Services, the parents, and the child’s guardian ad litem. The goal of the treatment plan is to help the parents and the family get to be healthy enough that the children can return home and Social Services and the court can back out of their lives. Sometimes treatment plans work, but not always. This can cause some back-and-forth as the court tries to weigh the risks to the children of physical and emotional harm at home and from being removed from home. It is not always an easy balancing act for the court to perform.

It depends upon the current legal authority the grandparent holds and the facts of the case. In most cases, the parents still have some parental rights, and might be the legally responsible parties to step in to care for their children if the grandparents are no longer available. The court is charged with making a decision for succession which is based on the best interests of the child. Here are four different answers for different situations, but the grandparents may wish to consult an attorney to discuss their own particular situation:

If the grandparents have adopted their grandchild, they are now the child’s legal parents. They may complete either a Will or a Designation of Guardianship form to nominate successor guardians for their child. This nomination will receive priority consideration from the court if a guardian needs to be appointed.

If the grandparents are the legal guardians for their grandchild, they may seek appointment of another person as co-guardian, or may work with the guardianship (probate) court to appoint a successor guardian prior to the time of transition. The court must make the formal appointment of a successor guardian; the guardians cannot do that on their own, although they may nominate a successor.

If the grandparents have allocation of parental responsibility for their grandchild, the domestic court will have the authority to appoint a successor to handle decision-making and care for the child, if there is not another person (including a parent) who has this responsibility. This can be a dicey situation, since the parents or another person with whom the children have lived for 6 months (within the past year) are generally the only people who can request to be allocated parental responsibility for the child. One option is to seek a shared decision-maker or to clarify the succession issue through the court order ahead of time.

If the grandparents have been appointed agents via a power of attorney, they may appoint a successor agent, but their own authority expires in one year or less, and the parents always have the right to revoke the power of attorney at any time. The power of attorney issued by the parents to the grandparents can include the name of a back-up agent, which would be helpful in the short run, but not after the power expires in a year.

A grandparent needs some kind of legal authority to consent to non-emergency medical care for a grandchild in his or her care. This could include a power of attorney that includes medical care decisions, allocation of parental responsibility for medical decisions, appointment as a guardian for the child, or legal adoption of the child. If the needed medical care is emergency care to save the child’s life, then the hospital, ambulance, and EMT professionals will provide that care even without consent from an authorized adult.

you the legal right to care for your grandchildren include permission to make decisions about the education of the grandchildren. If this is not specifically stated, the birth parents will remain the only persons who can make decisions regarding any special education needs. This is true even if the Department of Social Services has custody of the children. Many school districts will not let you enroll a child in school with only the authority of a power of attorney. Often school districts require legal guardianship or allocation of parental responsibility regarding educational decisions.

Several organizations offer free legal help! Some good resources are Colorado Legal Services, which operates throughout the state, and lawyers who provide advice as a public resource, through a contract with The Office on Aging in your county. Also, in many areas of the state, the local bar association has a program for providing legal advice for community members, so you could call the bar association to ask.

Another resource is the State Judicial Administration website, which has forms for the public to use for certain court proceedings, including adoption, guardianship, and allocation of parental responsibility proceedings. Here is the link for the form site, although there is only limited information available about how to use the forms: www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Index.cfm

Many attorneys specialize in family law matters, and you may want to consult a private attorney to advise you or represent you in your efforts. Even if you do not choose to retain an attorney to represent you in your case, you may want to hire an attorney for an hour (or more) of coaching and advice. This is sometimes called “unbundled legal services.” It can often be very useful to consult an attorney (either a private attorney or a “free” attorney available through one of the programs listed above) for advice before you jump into one of these legal arenas, so that you can focus your efforts on the most effective approach for your family’s particular situation.

Yes, you are certainly allowed to represent yourself in the Colorado court system. You are not required to consult or retain an attorney. When you represent yourself, you are “pro se.” Even if you decide to represent yourself, you may decide to consult an attorney for a one-time advice session before you begin your case. Please read question 14Q, above, and the answer, to see if you seem to fit the qualifications for a kinship adoption and question 23Q, above, and the answer regarding legal resources available to you. Here is a link to the forms and instructions page for filing a kinship adoption in Colorado.

You will still need to comply with all relevant Colorado rules and laws, even if you are representing yourself.

Many communities offer local parenting classes. These can usually be found through different therapy or counseling organizations, hospitals, youth and family centers. Many of them follow specific curriculums. Some programs to check out in your area are Second Time Around: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Grandparents as Parents (GAP). Many other curriculums and programs exist. Contact your local CSU Extension Office for more information on parenting classes in your community.

When a child is dealing with their parents being incarcerated it is always best to tell the truth and to be as honest as possible. The older the child is, the more detail can be given. Making up a story to tell you grandchildren could backfire. Right now they are probably going through some trust issues and therefore, if they find out you have not been honest with them; they could lose trust in you as well. Children also have the tendency to image far worse scenarios than the truth, so being honest with them could help them tremendously. The most important thing children of incarcerated parents need is stability. A good place to start when talking to younger children is to tell them that their parents have done something wrong and they are being punished. Most children can understand this concept and you can help them by relating it to time out for grownups. Explaining to your grandchildren in terms of safety can also be helpful. For example, “Mommy and Daddy were not keeping themselves safe and they need to learn how to be safe with themselves and safe with you.” Older children can handle the whole story. If the parent will be returning home and regaining care of their children, ongoing communication between the parents and the children is important. If possible, visit the prison with the children. Studies show that this is generally helpful. Children usually picture jail as much worse than it actually is, so visiting can help put their minds at ease.

Moving your grandchildren to a new home will bring both rewards and challenges for the whole family. Moving to a new home brings a variety of emotions to a child. Be patient with your grandchildren and gentle with any emotional reactions they might be giving you. This transition will most likely be complicated by the feelings of loss your grandchildren will have for their birth parents and their current home. Even young children who may or may not realize or understand what is happening will pick up on everyone else’s stress and will show signs of stress themselves.

Additional time with you everyday will help reassure them that they are safe. Also, keep in mind that children, especially young children, need routine. Try to immediately have some routines for them that are very predictable- keep familiar toys or books nearby, stick to a schedule for meals and bedtimes, set a few clear and age-appropriate rules for their behavior and try to be as consistent as possible in enforcing these rules. Be patient with your grandchildren as they will need time to learn and adjust to the new rules of their new home. The older the child, generally the more they will understand.

Try to be as honest as possible with your grandchildren. Teenagers will have increased understanding that moving means leaving things behind and therefore may have heightened emotional reactions and responses. Give your grandchildren some extra time and attention during this transition. Try to involve and engage your grandchildren in the moving process and set up routines for their new home. Help your grandchildren to find activities to do and groups to be involved in their new community. Accept your grandchildren’s feelings and give them time and space in their grieving and coping processes.

Teenagers today are experimenting with things such as alcohol and drugs at earlier ages than past generations. Why are adolescents entering into such risky behavior? Adolescents use alcohol and drugs for the same reasons adults do, to lower stress, to relax, socially, and because they see everyone else doing it. Research shows that alcohol and drug use also leads to sexual activity. The first step is recognizing the stresses going on in your granddaughter’s life and acknowledging that teenagers have easy access to alcohol and drugs. Approximately 90 percent of teenagers say that alcohol, pot, and cigarettes are easy to get. Second, monitor your granddaughter’s behavior and let her know that you understand that she is under a lot of pressure and that she is surrounded by things such as alcohol, drugs, and sex. Let her know that you are working to build an even better relationship with her. The biggest fear for teenagers in using drugs and alcohol is getting caught by their caretakers. Research shows that when adults have a good relationship with teens and monitor teens’ behaviors, they are less likely to get involved in problem behaviors and are more likely to choose friends who participate in positive behaviors.

Holidays can be very stressful times for all families. Try to make decisions based on what will be best for the children. Resist not inviting the children’s biological parents because of tension between you and them or any other adults. Try to plan not for what will be the least awkward, but what will benefit the children the most. It is possible to be kind to people we are in disagreement with, especially if it benefits the children. However, don’t go overboard the other way with phony kindness. Weigh the positives and negatives of every decision and do what is best for the child.

You might also want to use this holiday season as an opportunity to start new family traditions. Making new traditions and involving the children in this process can help offset feelings of loss that often resurface during the holidays. Involve the children in making new memories that can carry on for years to come. Honor past traditions if the children would like to keep them going and make new ones to celebrate your new family!

Bullying is a topic that has changed rapidly over the past few decades. Bullying used to be viewed as “kids will be kids” and “it’s a part of growing up- let them work it out.” However, many schools now see bullying as a serious issue and have zero tolerance policies towards it. Many schools also have anti-bullying programs. Because times have changed on this issue, the way we support our children through this issue must also change. The first step is to know the difference between bullying and normal conflict and help your grandson know the difference. The difference between bullying and conflict is power. In conflict, usually both parties hold equal power and while they are having a conflict, the intent is not to hurt one another. In conflict situations, the two parties often play together and both try to solve the problem. In a bullying situation, the perpetrator exerts control over a victim. The bully tries to physically or emotionally intimidate or injure the victim, and these incidents happen repeatedly. The two never play together and never try to solve the problem. The bully enjoys taking power from the victim and the victim is scared. The book, Bully-Proofing Your Child: A Parents Guide, by Carla Garrity, Mitchell Baris, and William Porter recommends six strategies for helping your child deal with a bully:

1. Get help: Help your grandchild identify adults and kids who can help.
2. Assert yourself: Help your grandchild know when to and not to stand up to a bully. If there is a chance the victim may be physically injured, do not use this strategy.
3. Use humor: When a child turns a difficult situation into a funny one, the bully is caught off guard. Make sure to tell your grandchildren that they should give a quick comeback versus “put-down” the bully as this will only escalate the situation.
4. Avoid the bully: Every child needs to know when and how to walk away.
5. Self talk: Coaching your grandson to say positive statements to himself when a bully teases or taunts to counter the negativity of the bully.
6. Own it: Coach your child to agree with the put-down to lighten up the situation and laugh at himself. This strategy works well when a child is teased about things like clothing, hairstyle, or a bike they ride to school. This strategy does not work if the teasing revolves around an identity, such as ethnicity, disability, or religion.

Even very young parents struggle with this; however, there is a lot any parent can do without having to know the answers! Help your grandchildren to be organized, practical, and to know when to ask for help. Set up a specific homework area and keep it stocked with supplies such as pens/pencils, paper, erasers, markers, etc. Coach your grandchildren to write down one name and phone number from at least one person in every class that they can call for help if needed. Help your grandkids keep track of homework with a weekly assignment sheet that can be put in a folder or binder. Try these tips for making homework less stressful:

• Do homework at the same time each day, whether it’s right after school or in the evening. Let the children have some input on setting the time.
• If your grandkids need help with an assignment, complete one or two examples together. But, don’t help them with every problem. If children don’t do their own work, they won’t do well on tests and other assignments.
• Help children manage big homework projects. Divide large projects into smaller chunks that can be done over a few days or a week. This helps children learn how to pace their work.
• Limit outside activities to avoid burnout. Children can only do so much. If they have too many extra-curricular activities, they may be too tired to do homework.
• Support the teachers. If you think teachers are assigning too much homework, make an appointment to discuss the matter without the children. If you complain to the teacher in front of the children, it encourages them to question the teacher’s authority, and that can lead to discipline problems.

You can do a lot to help your grandchildren even if you do not know the subject material well enough to help them answer their homework questions. If they are struggling in a subject, help them to talk to their teacher or set up meetings with you, your grandchild, and their teacher. Many schools have tutoring programs or can help you get contacts for tutors within the community. Remember to get help as soon as the problem arises as teachers may not be as understanding if you are coming to them at the end of the semester.

Don’t worry; you don’t need to completely alter your parenting style once your grandchildren reach adolescence. A style that is warm yet firm works just as well for teens as it does with younger children. It is important to begin to expand limits as your grandchildren come into teenage years. Give teens more choices and let your grandchildren know that you are there to listen and answer their questions. Give them this message both by what you say to them and what you do around them. Try to be as open-minded as possible and really listen when they talk. It is important to discuss difficult topics such as puberty, body changes, sex, drugs, and alcohol. A popular misconception is that all teenagers disagree with their parents, however, most teenagers actually agree with their parents on topics such as religion, education, and values. Teenagers often carry family values through adolescence and into adulthood. It is important for your adolescent to have accurate information about sex, drugs, and drinking. Give them accurate information about laws surrounding these issues. These discussions can also be a time for you to impart your own values or wisdom; however, it is important that these discussions do not turn into arguments. When adolescents do not feel comfortable going to parents to talk about things like sex, drugs, and drinking, they often turn to peers who give them incorrect information.

There are many things you can do as a parent to ease any child’s transition into going to school. First of all help your grandchild learn social skills by introducing him to other children his age. Some good places to find other children are through church, at the park, in the neighborhood, or at the mall. Also, “playing school” with your grandchild may give him a chance to act out his feelings about the upcoming transition. Make sure to talk to your grandson about what school is and what will be happening.

Talk about what a day at school might be like and tell him what to expect. If you know any older children who have already had their first day of school (and it has been a positive experience) ask them in front of your grandson what their first day of school was like. If his school provides opportunities to visit before hand and/or meet his teacher, this will help him start to form some ideas about school in his mind. Make this day of touring his new school a special one!

Once school starts, keep talking to your grandson about how it is going, what he is learning and be an open listener for him to express any feelings he is having.

Siblings quarrel for four general reasons: basic needs, attention, company, and power. Determining which of these four reasons is contributing to your grandchildren quarrelling will help in determining what you can do.

Basic needs fights come about because at least one of the children is tired, hungry, thirsty, or bored. In these situations, taking a quick break, eating a quick snack, getting a drink, or spending a few minutes playing can do wonders to curb the arguments.

Attention fights come about because at least one of the children wants your attention. If you feel this is going on in your house, reprogram your children by showing them that only positive behavior will be rewarded. Do this by ignoring small conflicts and remaining calm during all conflicts. You can also do this by making sure to reward positive behavior! 15-20 minutes of one-on-one attention with a child per day dramatically reduces negative behavior such as wining and bickering.

Company quarrels arise because some children are not skilled at getting others to play with them. These children struggle with how to get their siblings to engage with them but know that starting a fight with them is a quick way to pull them in. In these situations, teach your grandchildren some basic skills such as teaching them how to ask, “Will you play with me?” You can help too by providing activities that appeal to multiple age groups. Also teaching compromise and sharing skills will prove helpful.

Power struggles arise because of competition among siblings. Children know when their sibling can do something they cannot and can have a very difficult time dealing with competitive or insecure feelings. You can help by encouraging personal goals for each of your grandchildren and by not comparing them to one another. You can also teach them win-win deals and how to talk about their frustrations and arguments by each speaking from their feelings versus blaming each other.

A great resource for children is books. Most libraries have a children’s section and children’s librarians. At most libraries, you can approach a librarian and ask for a list of books on a topic. Librarians can direct you toward several books for children on grandparents raising grandchildren. Another great resource is to look for support groups in your area for grandparents raising grandchildren. Although most of these groups are for the grandparent caregivers, many of them have free or built-in childcare arrangements. This can be a great opportunity for your grandchildren to meet with other children who live with their grandparents. Another great option is to search out other grandparents in your situation and form play groups with them. You can also be a great resource to your grandchildren through normalizing their feelings and answering their questions.

There are several dimensions to the concerns over emotional stress and coping. Since grandparenting (as primary caregivers) is a relatively new phenomenon, we need to pull from related literature for some clues. We can turn to some information about foster care, to divorcing families, and step families for some advice. First, we need to look at the developmental level of the child in question. Emotional responses develop in stages just like cognitive development does. The combination of what a child can or cannot understand will help any caring adult determine how to support the child.

What we know is that even for children who have been abused, there is a great desire to try again and again with their biological parents. Young children in particular want very much to please the adults in their lives. They are also ego-centric and they will feel as if they are the cause and may try to act more angelic trying to “be with their parents.” In other cases, children who have been passed from home to home will have their trust chiseled away and they will have great difficulty “trusting” any adult. This must be built. Trust is the first emotional development stage. Trust building comes through relationship building and consistency. Stick to your word, if you make promises, keep them, pick the child up on time, come back to them, and establish a routine they can count on. These are strategies to start with.

School systems have been known to establish support groups for children whose parents are going through a divorce. If there is a critical mass of children (particularly late elementary age and older) who are experiencing loss of parents for whatever reason, they will have similar feelings and may benefit from a group support effort where they can read together, talk together and be guided by a sensitive, caring adult with a counseling background to help them deal with their feelings. Coping strategies can be taught.

The grandparents should keep the school informed. Teachers who know what is going on in a child’s life can be more informed and not blame the child needlessly for potential negative behavior and instead work with the child with a sensitive understanding.

Parenting is not the only factor in influencing the adult children’s poor choices. Many grandparents raising grandchildren have parented other children who have made different choices. Here are a few thoughts from related literature…

• Parents do the best they can but life circumstances often change. At the time they were raising their child, they may have been immature, irresponsible, and have many additional life stressors. Maybe with age, they have learned to deal with these.
• Placements for children who need foster care are scarce. There are always campaigns to recruit new homes. A family or home setting is optimal as compared to placing children in a group home. If there is a relative willing to take on this responsibility, this option is certainly considered in the best interest of the child as opposed to a group home or unrelated foster placement if the home is deemed acceptable. Social workers are looking for a stable environment.
• Sometimes parents (and grandparents) do not see the value or need for parenting education. But what parent educators see over and over again is that when parents do attend parenting education, there is an overwhelming positive response to the wealth of information and strategies that are gained.

In general, Yes. This relationship is important to nurture unless there is some danger involved to the child. Visits with supervision are also an option. The bond between a parent and child is important and should not be ignored. The child quite often wants to see and be with his/her parent. The parent generally has a strong desire to be with and build a relationship with the child. If there is a gap in the relationship, there will always be questions and these questions may contribute to emotional distress.

There is a recent rise in parenting education programs offered in prisons. Parents who enroll in these programs want to have a presence in their child’s lives and may want to be able to influence the parenting that is occurring with their children. They are receiving information about parenting and are anxious to see their children. Recording books on tape or other activities may be available for parents so that a connection can be maintained.

One web site, the Family and Corrections Network, provides helpful information to support grandparents and others related to incarcerated parents.

Children are getting used to many different sorts of living arrangements. Children are more accustomed than their parents to a heterogeneous world in many ways. Many children today are used to their friends having two homes, two sets of parents, same sex parents, and many other family forms. This is just one of the other family forms.

Unless there is an illness, this may not be necessary. Dying is a fact of life. We can never really predict when we will die. There are many older parents in fact who certainly know they may never see their children as adults, but talking about dying should not be a focus in the relationship, however it can be addressed as a topic along with many topics parents and children can and should explore – like what is a family? What is lying? What is war about? Why do we work? And why do people we love die? In these conversation be sensitive to the child’s cognitive and emotional developmental level.

If there is a problem due to illness, then there are certainly ways to approach the topic of death and make advance plans for where the child will be placed and again, while taking their developmental level into consideration, inform them appropriately. Remember our adult worries are different from their worries. Again, consider their developmental stage and don’t overwhelm them, but do keep communication open. A helpful publication on this topic is “Dealing with Sadness and Loss.”

Grandparents often believe that they cannot take time for themselves, because they need to be physically and mentally present at all times for their grandchild. If you are the primary caregiver to a child, it is necessary to give most of yourself and it is hard to see the importance of taking breaks. However, like a runner who often takes water breaks to refuel and recharge, grandparents who raise grandchildren must take time for themselves. Therefore, ask for help in small intervals, turn to supportive family members, friends, and neighbors to be with your grandchild for 15-20 minutes while you take a bath, go for a short walk, or read your favorite magazine. Taking 15 minutes for yourself might be just what you need to sustain yourself for the next few days.

It is normal to feel a mixture of emotions at this time. In many ways your grandchild coming to live with you usually means that something happened with his or her birth parents. This change in parenting as well as your change in grandparenting is a huge. Big changes like this usually signify a loss. Loss often brings on feelings of sadness. It is okay to feel sad about these changes. Just know that it will take time to adjust, not unlike waves in the ocean, each wave may bring a different emotion. One day sad, one day excited. Give yourself permission and time to heal. Should you find that you are having continued difficulty with sadness, please seek professional assistance available in your community (e.g., faith community, mental health, public health, marriage and family therapists, etc.)

Grandparents are often challenged to “pick up the pieces” when a parent visits. Often children exhibit behavioral problems after the visit. This is normal and makes sense. The child is often confused, angry, and still hoping the parent will change, that they will be able to resume the parenting role. The depth of the child’s grief will come out in many ways. To help a child and yourself through this grief period, counseling is strongly recommended. A counselor can help you prepare for parental visits and provide tips on how to create a safe environment during the parental visit, as well as, how to comfort and provide support to the grandchild after he/she sees his/her parent.

Try to communicate with your other grandchildren about how important they are, by talking, reading a book, take time to notice their interests. Also, try to set times you can spend time with them either alone or with all the grandchildren that live in proximity. If they do not live in the proximity, call them on the phone even if it is a short conversation. Try and set times you will call so they (and you) have something to look forward to. Maybe send them small items they might like in the mail. Children love to get mail!!!

you. Many grandparents have this same experience. Certainly, you may be feeling rejected and also are dealing with yet another loss (i.e., the loss of your social network). It is okay to be sad about this loss. Remember that grandparent support groups are designed to help you cope with this loss and many other experiences you are facing. Turn to the grandparents you meet at support group or on-line using this program for friendship and support.

Try to recognize how special and unique the relationship you are developing with your grandchild! Do your best to have fun everyday with your grandchild and make time to pass on traditions and stories from where they have come from. This might help you as well as the child maintain a sense of grandparent/grandchild roles.